I just read a good article in psychologytoday.com that shared online hate messages are on the rise. In 2014, 15% of social media users experienced hateful messages. Nowadays, it's 25%! One-quarter of all the people using social media are posting threatening or harassing or just plain disturbing comments. WHY?!?! As it's beyond comprehension, we just have to learn to deal with it in the best possible way.
I had it happen to me on Twitter/X. I posted a comment somebody didn't like. So, he(?) responded by attacking my novel writing. Apparently, the poster had gotten into my profile and started ridiculing me for not being a bestselling author. We exchanged insults for a little while. Then I said, "Hey, you look like you have a good following. Why don't you help me advertise my novels so I can sell more of them?" I never heard from him again.
Another poster did the same thing. He criticized my use of the term "fiction novel." Instead of expressing hurt over it, I concurred, thanking him for pointing that redundancy out. We ended up sharing insights on fiction writing for a little bit. No hostility.
So, there is a variety of ways we can react to the cruelty of others, whether it's online or in our face. The best way to maintain our dignity and integrity is not to fall prey to responding in kind. The author of the article, Gina Simmons Schneider, Ph.D., suggests we develop traits within ourselves to combat feeling hurt or threatened by someone else's cruel behavior. As well as traits that help us learn from them and let them go.
She lists those of "courage, resilience, gratitude, generosity, forgiveness, and sacrifice." Practicing self-care is paramount to any of these, however. Loving and caring for our selves empowers us to withstand an onslaught of mental and emotional abuse from cruel people. As we cultivate a sense of our personal value and strengthen our self-esteem, we become more courageous against attack and more resilient against accepting and taking to heart the words of the attacker.
Gratitude and generosity serve to remind us from moment to moment that there is good in the world for which to be thankful and that there is a sense of poverty (that cruel people are undoubtedly inflicted with) we can counteract by sharing of our better qualities.
Forgiveness is something even Jesus did. Heck, he did the ultimate act of forgiveness as he was dying on the cross. Whether you're Christian or on some other spiritual journey, we all too have it in our hearts to be charitable toward those who mean us any kind of harm.
Sacrifice. Oh, that's a good one. What did Jesus say? He told us to turn the other cheek when we are mistreated. This doesn't mean we have to allow ourselves to continue being mistreated. It just means we ought not react in kind. If we can be big enough to shake off the injustice, we can overcome it.
And after all has been said, Simmons Schneider agreed with me on one last point. Read. Read. Read. Fiction. Nonfiction. Fairy tales. Autobiographies. Get out of social media for a while and read. Between the covers of each and every published story is a tale of courage, resilience, gratitude, generosity, forgiveness and sacrifice. Human history is rife with them. The human mind is capable of reflecting them. The human experience demonstrates how we can rebound from cruelty.
Don't give up. Don't give in. Don't let bullies win. We all deserve better.
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